


Of Sleepless Nights and Lullabies

by BatWingsandBlackCats



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, post S2EP36 in the library, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:13:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5029717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatWingsandBlackCats/pseuds/BatWingsandBlackCats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post EP36, in the Library.<br/>based on a headcanon by Slay and Carmilla-Karnstein on tumblr "Laura being unable to sleep without her head being on Carmilla’s lap as she gently strokes her hair and hums her comforting sounds that her birth mother would sing to her when she had nightmares"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Sleepless Nights and Lullabies

**Author's Note:**

> I'd been wanting to do a post-36 one shot for a while and couldn't think of one, but then this wonderfully sappy headcanon popped up on my dash
> 
> Thanks to Slay and Carmilla-Karnstein for letting me use it, and I hope you guys enjoy!

Carmilla strode past bookshelf after bookshelf, gripping the ends of a small bundle in her left hand. It’d taken her a while, but she’d found that vending machine again. And, despite the library being rather agreeable towards the three of them, she’d gotten turned around on the way back. It’d been at least two or three hours since she’d left their little camp. If it could actually be called that. Laura wrapped in a blanket, a stack of books to prop the camera up on, and LaFontaine sitting off to the side trying to distract themselves with a book after the task of setting up the ethernet cable was finished could hardly be called a ‘camp.’ But it was what they had. At least the library had been so kind as to provide a change of clothes for them all.

Carmilla’s mind had been churning since she’d gone off in search of the vending machine. Her and Laura had talked after she’d finally been able to coax Laura out of her catatonic state. She never thought she’d miss the chatter that badly, but watching Laura stare silently at the wall for over six hours with empty eyes had made Carmilla want to tear her hair out. It’d made her want to scream. It wasn’t _Laura_. She had kept her voice light and tried to joke with her but inside she felt like she couldn’t breathe even though she didn’t have to because those candle flame eyes had lost their light so unsettlingly. Those candle flame eyes shouldn’t look like chaos and emptiness and they shouldn’t resemble a void, they should be bright and full of life and determination and those flames should not have gone out. And in the back of her head she knew she shouldn’t cave so easily, this girl had gotten her sister, her one constant, killed, had broken her heart and asked and expected too much and begged her to be a hero when she’d tried so hard to prove she wasn’t one. 

But this girl had also burned a man to the ground and threw away everything she’d fought for and everything she believed in and everything her friends had died for when that man had held a sword above Carmilla’s neck.

Not even Mattie had done that.

For all that Mattie had loved her, she had stood by when the lid of the coffin had been nailed shut. 

Carmilla shook herself of her thoughts of her sister, and pressed on towards their little camp. Laura had been exhausted after finally talking, and crying. Carmilla had pulled the blanket around her a little tighter and told her to sleep, telling her that the wet patch on her shirt wasn’t a big deal and promising that she’d be back soon, that she was just going to do a food run, and that they’d be sufficiently stocked with chocolate in no time. Laura had just nodded, looking blankly at the wall for a whole other reason. 

The vampire sighed when she rounded the corner and saw with tired eyes eyes that the little human was still awake.

“Cupcake,” Carmilla said softly, stepping towards her, “you need sleep,”

“I can’t sleep,” Laura said quietly as Carmilla sat down beside her. Laura’s fingers twisted in the blanket, her eyes never leaving that spot on the wall. “every time I close my eyes I see Vordenberg burning or your head rolling across the carpet and I feel Danny’s body going limp and I feel her blood seeping through my shirt and my pants and I feel the charter snapping in my hands and--” She took a shuddering breath and looked down at her lap. “I-I can’t sleep,” She said again, defeat evident in her voice. She didn’t seem to notice the tears carving salty tracks down her cheeks.

“Hey,” Carmilla said softly, reaching out and tenderly wiping her tears away. Laura looked up at her. “I know how that feels, believe me. But the tilt-a-whirl that is your mind right now isn’t going to calm down if you don’t at least get a little sleep,” She dabbed under Laura’s eyes with the cuff of her sleeve, her fingers then trailing down Laura’s right cheek to rest at the little human’s jaw, her thumb swiping back and forth gently.

“I just can’t stop seeing it,” Laura whispered, eyes downcast. “I don’t regret killing him but I can’t stop seeing him burst into flames...and I can’t stop seeing what would have happened if I didn’t kill him,”

Carmilla bit her lip, thinking for a moment. “Cutie,” She said gently, taking Laura’s hands in her own. “I can’t take the images away, and I can’t say that they’ll ever really go away, completely, but I do know that they’ll fade, and they’ll get easier to handle, and after a while it won’t feel like you’re drowning,” She said softly, her own head dipped slightly to try and catch Laura’s gaze. “I can assure you of one thing, though,” She took Laura’s hands and raised them to her neck, placing them on her slightly bruised but otherwise unmarked skin. She held her hands over Laura’s, pressing them gently into her neck. “you don’t have to think about what would have happened if you didn’t destroy the charter. You don’t have to think about me being dead, because I’m not. Thanks to you,” 

“But what if I’d just been a second too late? If I couldn’t get to my thoughts to line up with my body fast enough--’

“Laura,” Carmilla said gently, stemming the rant she knew was coming. “you _didn’t_. You didn’t. You saved me, and I’m right here, and you shouldn’t be tortured with what ifs because those what ifs don’t exist. His sword didn’t touch my neck, and the bruises will be gone by tomorrow.” She ran her thumbs back and forth across Laura’s hands. Carmilla looked down, licking her lips. “Look...I...I know what’s running though your head,” She whispered, “I still have nightmares about what would have happened if I hand’t gotten the sword last semester, or if I’d been late in coming back from retrieving it, if I’d been late to save you. But I wasn’t, and neither were you,”

Laura’s hands tightened around Carmilla’s as she swallowed hard, squeezing her eyes shut tight for a moment. “Okay,” she whispered, “okay...” She still saw the flames and the blood when her eyes closed but feeling Carmilla so close and _alive_ took the edge off a little. 

“Try to sleep,” Carmilla said softly, letting go of Laura’s hands and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I got enough food for the next day or two,”

Laura nodded, though she paused, chewing on her lip. “Can...can I stay next to you?” She asked quietly, unsure if she was overstepping...whatever boundaries were between them. She didn’t know what was acceptable anymore, or where they stood. Hell, it felt like she didn’t know anything about anything anymore.

“Of course,” Carmilla said quietly, patting her lap as she crossed her legs. She held her arm out, inviting Laura in.

Laura hesitated for a moment, but then laid down, resting her head in Carmilla’s lap as she sighed softly. She curled up in a little ball under the blanket and pulled it up around her chin, and laid her hand tentatively on Carmilla’s thigh next to her head. Carmilla rested her arm across Laura’s shoulder and threaded her fingers through Laura’s honey brown hair, gently stroking it alternately with the pads of her fingers and the back of her knuckles.

Laura cracked a tiny smile. “My mom used to do that when I couldn’t sleep, or I had nightmares,” She murmured. 

Carmilla smiled a little, continuing to brush her fingers through Laura’s hair. “My mother used to too...my birth mother,” she said, correcting herself as a tired yet confused brown eye peered up at her from her lap. “she used to sing these little lullabies or hum to me or my brothers when we couldn’t sleep,”

“Do you remember any?” Laura murmured, curling a little bit closer. 

“I do,” She said softly, “surprisingly. I found some transcripts a long time ago, but I don’t know if I could forget them if I tried,” She tucked some of Laura’s hair behind her ear, her thumb brushing along the little human’s jaw. 

Laura hummed and closed her eyes, both of them lapsing into silence. Carmilla watched her with gentle eyes, watching as a few strands blew back and forth with her breath. Laura wasn’t asleep yet, her breath and her heartbeat too quick, but it was the calmest Carmilla had seen her days. She glanced over at LaFontaine to find them asleep, and turned back to Laura, smiling ever so slightly. She knew Laura’s mind wasn’t peaceful by any means, but maybe it was in this moment. At least it seemed like she was getting some rest. She smoothed Laura’s hair away from her face, humming quietly as she did so, one of the old songs coming back to her. Her humming soon became words, and she sang softly, carefully working out the little knots in her hair. 

_Der Mond ist aufgegangen,  
Die goldnen Sternlein prangen  
Am Himmel hell und klar;  
Der Wald steht schwarz und schweiget,  
Und aus den Wiesen steiget  
Der weiße Nebel wunderbar_

Carmilla’s voice faded out, but her hands never stopped stroking Laura’s hair. She leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes for a moment, but her attention was soon drawn back to the little human in her lap when she felt her shift.

“Carm?” Laura whispered, her voice laced with sleep.

“Hmm?” Carmilla murmured, looking down at her again. 

“I missed you,” Laura breathed, clearly not fully awake, though her tired voice was genuine. She curled closer to Carmilla, if that was possible, reaching for the vampire’s hand and holding it gently.

Carmilla squeezed Laura’s hand tenderly, cracking a sad smile as her other hand rested on Laura’s hair. “I missed you too, cupcake,” She whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> I found the lullaby on a website of German lullabies, so I'd hope the German is right, haha. here's the English translation:
> 
> "The moon has risen,  
> The little golden stars shine  
> In the heavens so clear and bright  
> The woods stand dark and still  
> And out of the meadows rise  
> A wonderful fog."


End file.
